My little bitty baby turned one today!
This year has truly fulfilled the old saying "The days are long but the years are short" This year, in days, has seemed like one of the craziest for me in the world of mommyhood. 1 kid was definitely a game changer, 2 kids was an adjustment but fairly seamless for me, but 3 was just nuts. I'm not sure why...maybe the fact that they outnumber parents now, or that they outnumber the number of hands I have, or that Sutter has easily won the award for worst sleeper and eater, but three little ones to care for has been a year of whaaaaaaaaats going on! I feel like I am just now getting the hang of it. And even though the days have seemed long and crazy, I just can't believe it has been a whole year since Sutter was born. It's flown.
So today we celebrated that I have successfully done almost every daily life task with a baby on my hip, and with only one hand. Cooked, cleaned, socialized, mothered, etc, with one free hand for a whole year. Celebrated that I have managed to function on such an incredibly low level of sleep for a whole year. But most of all, celebrated the gift this little one is in our lives, in our family.
For Sutter I need to take it way back. Way back to when he was a glimmer in my eye, which I'll admit was not too long after Cooper was born. I've put a whole lot of prayer into each of my little ones lives, and it started long before any of them were born. So knowing I was hoping and dreaming of yet another little one at some point in the future, I began to pray for God's blessing and timing for that next one. And for a couple of months I considered praying specifically that God would give us a girl as our third child. I thought about it, but hesitated, because I just didn't know if I wanted to set that expectation before the Lord, knowing that His ways and plans are perfect, outside of my ideas about it, and I wanted to just trust Him with it, without expectations. However, after many weeks of contemplating this prayer, The Lord and I came to an agreement. I would ask for a girl in my prayers, but with the understanding that if God gave us a boy, it was because in His great wisdom and love, this certain little boy was the absolute best gift for our family, the perfect addition to our lives, and the loved creation of an intentional God, who had plans for this man. Plans that included me as his mommy. So that was it, and I did pray. For months I prayed, and eventually we found out that number 3 was on the way.
For the first 2 boys we'd had the gender written down and put in an envelope, and found out the gender days later with friends and family at a cake reveal party. We switched it up for Sutter and at that ultrasound appointment I looked away at that crucial moment and only Nick found out the gender, and was tasked with letting me in on the secret at some point. And so I waited anxiously for what seemed like MONTHS(about 3 weeks). 3 weeks later it was my birthday and my first present was some cute little knit slippers to wear around the house. Nick had brought me this present first thing in the morning and as I was looking at the slippers it seemed as if there was something inside of them. I pulled out a tiny little pair of slippers, with blue stripes on them. I looked at them and looked at Nick and connected the dots. This was the big clue. It's a boy. My heart was pounding, I was excited and felt like I was one step closer to knowing the baby growing in my belly. Nick then left so I could go back to sleep (sleep-a great mom of little ones birthday present). But I didn't go back to sleep that day. I will always love that wide awake time I had with God that morning. It did take me a few moments to wrap my head around the idea of being a mom to three boys. THREE boys. 2 boys are brothers, 3 boys are a brood, a team, a collection. But that moment with God it was not about THREE boys, it was about one boy. One brand new, special, God-given boy that He had planned for all along. I loved him already and was excited to meet him. My prayers for a girl had been trumped and in an instant I was totally fine with that.
As mentioned in my last post, babies are not delivered in Big Bear, so my doctor appointments, and delivery, were all an hours drive down the mountain. Super weird at first, but I did get used to it. And I did get nervous through the winter every time the weather got cold or snow fell that maybe I would be stuck on the mountain and go into labor. That didn't happen, thank goodness. In fact I've heard that that winter was one of the warmest winters Big Bear had seen in years. Sutter, like the others, was delivered by c-section on March 12th, 2014. I remember feeling nervous the morning of the c-section. Excited to meet Sutter, but anxious about he surgery. The surgery did end up being a bit more complicated than anticipated, simply because it was my third c-section, and the more you have the more chance of unknown complications. I had some. A major artery was knicked, and I came out of surgery ok, but anemic(lost too much blood). That news was enough to scare me, but thankfully the result was just extra low levels of energy for a time. Sutter and I were both completely fine and healthy.
So Sutter, it's been a pleasure being your mom! You are a little round-headed ball of snuggly sweetness. Your eyes and your smile are just so sweet. Jackson says he loves your cute face. Daddy calls you Fuzz-o because of your head of stringy wild blonde baby hair. You love your family. Mommy is your favorite and we do everything together. Happy to be with you buddy. Daddy makes you smile and you are constantly entertained by your big brothers. If only they wouldn't close the door sometimes before you get there so you won't get their legos. You love balls and going on walks and music. You are my most laid back baby-not in a hurry to get moving. I don't think you'll be taking your first step anytime soon, but we'll get to that. It is true kiddo- you've been a horrible sleeper. But we're working on that, and lets be honest it's probably not all your fault. And of course, my prayers for you have not stopped. You are truly a gift and a treasure, and God has great plans for your life. I am so blessed that those plans include me! May you act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God, little man.
Love you Sutter Boo.